5 Ways to Keep Your Kids Safe Online
Parenting in the digital age is no easy task, especially when it comes to keeping our kids safe online. We can have a dozen strategies, cutting-edge tech tools, and the best of intentions. The internet has more!
As a father of three young ones, I look for fair and consistent ways to help my kids do their online homework and get their screen time fix with limited exposure to the worst of the internet. Knowing what I know about cybersecurity, I pay close attention to how they use the internet, which helps protect them and my whole family. How do I do it? Let’s start with what I mean when I say “kids.”
Generation Alpha are digital natives
For this article, when I say “kids,” I am referring to children belonging to “Generation Alpha,” loosely defined as anyone born around 2010 or later. These kids are digital natives, meaning they’re the first group of babies in human history to have their delivery room photos posted live on social media. If you follow my wife on social, you know what I mean!
Born into a world of smartphones and tablets, these kids start using computers in child care facilities as early as two. It’s commonplace, if not expected, for schools to use online educational platforms like Google Classroom, remote tools like Zoom, and other apps and web resources to aid and augment instruction. Full-on remote teaching became a tech tool in the teacher toolkit during the pandemic, and it’s not going away.
All this creates a digital fluency that, trust me, kids know how to put into practice. Once they taste delicious internet candy, the genie is out of the bottle. Now they have the internet on their little minds. Godspeed! You can try to stop it, but you won’t reverse it. As your child embraces the internet, I think the best strategy is to help them understand that genie and avoid any horrifying “Monkey’s Paw” consequences.
But I’m not saying it’s easy — and I’m not the only one saying it! In fact, a full two-thirds of U.S. parents say that technology is a huge reason it’s harder to parent today than it was 20 years ago. And that’s precisely why I want to share 5 strategic steps for keeping your kids safe online.
1. Talk about the internet — the good, bad, but maybe not the ugly
If you’re unsure where to start, just talk to your kids about the internet. Ask them whether they’ve heard of it and what they know about it. Tell them how it came to be, and talk about how it changed the world. When they ask what you can do on the internet, answer their questions truthfully… well, let’s skip the ugly for kids under 8, for now!
The good
Talk about the good! Let your kids know the internet can connect people with loved ones, inform people on current events, enable people to work remotely, empower people to learn and be educated, allow people to decrease isolation and loneliness, offer people a wealth of activities and experiences to enjoy, and strengthen our collective ability to help each other. This is scratching the surface. If you want more benefits of the internet (and social media) for kids, check out this article!
The bad
You should also find ways to talk about how the internet is a place where bad things can happen. How might you do that? For this topic, let’s focus on one widespread internet concern: people can take advantage of our inherent desire (especially among kids) to trust them.
To illustrate this point to a kid, talk to them on their level. For instance, to explain the dangers of a phishing email to a 6-year-old, you could pick an age-appropriate villain, like the “Big Bad Wolf” from the Three Little Pigs, and build a story like this:
Once upon a time, a friendly little piggy named [insert your child’s name] got a letter… I mean, an email… from their best friend, Bartholomew [err… maybe you can pick your child’s best friend's name, LOL]. The email said, “Hey, [your child]! Please come out and play with me. I have a new toy to show you!” So [your child] ran outside at once, utterly excited to see the new toy… and totally unaware that the person who sent the email was not their best friend, but an evil impersonator, the Big Bad Wolf.
Talk about the consequences of the Big Bad Wolf’s action. Be creative and build on that narrative. Remember that you aren’t trying to scare your child; you just want to help them understand how and why they should be careful on the internet. There are some bad wolves out there.
Maybe not the ugly (for kids under 8)
As adults, we can all probably point to a bunch of different things that comprise the ugliness of the internet. Most of these things are obviously not kid-appropriate, hence why they should likely be skipped for now for kids under 8! But as your kids get older, you will need to talk to them more about the ugliness of the internet. However, when that happens is something only we, as parents, can figure out. My only advice is to remember that these ugly things are a reality on the internet, and they’re usually just a click away for any curious kid. Sooner or later (hopefully much later), your kids will encounter them. Before they do, you want to ensure they are prepared.
Getting started
If all this sounds a bit heady, think about it in terms of the physical world. Do you talk to your kids about places to go or not go? About how to stay safe at the playground or in the park? About streets that they need to be extra careful while crossing? About how to handle situations with strangers? Ultimately, the internet is just another place in our world (and I am not even talking about the Metaverse). Get that internet discussion going!
2. Use technology to your advantage
The internet is a vast technological superstructure — which means that there are plenty of built-in technological tools you can use to keep your kids safe.
Operating systems
Start by choosing your preferred ecosystem and keeping your kids in it. If you’re most comfortable with a Mac and iOS (Apple’s computer and mobile device operating systems), you’ll probably have an easy time understanding the parental controls on Apple devices and how they function across apps and websites. This means that if your kid uses Windows (Microsoft’s computer operating system) or Android (Google’s mobile device operating system), you’ll have to learn a whole new ecosystem(s) — and you may not have any device interoperability when it comes to exercising your parental controls.
Access and installations
The first thing to do is set up parental controls on the devices they will be using. This should also include a password, passcode, or biometric login that only you control for every device in your home, whether it’s your kid’s or a shared one. Second, establish that same level of access control for installations — no applications, no software, no nothing without your permission. Parental controls will enable you to do both. Ideally, you want to ensure they aren’t sharing access with you or older siblings, as you and your 18-year-old likely want to do more than watch YouTube Kids content for children under 4.
Cybersecurity measures
Check that your child’s device is running the latest software and antivirus programs and that privacy settings are maxed out — best to start with complete security and adjust as you see fit. Also, protect your kids’ privacy by doing things like turning off the microphone for anything but communication apps and physically covering the webcam when not in use. For younger children (kids under 12), use parental controls like Google’s Safe Search to keep your little ones’ online experiences positive. Deciding to remove this setting as your kids’ age is a judgment call. Bear in mind when you do, it will be nearly impossible to revert back. And use this as an opportunity to brush up on your cybersecurity basics — a little background knowledge can enable you to let your kids run wild online in the safest possible way.
3. Set guidelines and limits
Guidelines and limitations are standard parts of kids’ lives. I mean, they have to go to bed eventually, right?! It should be the same for internet usage — because post-pandemic usage keeps increasing.
Usage on the rise
In April 2021, Pew found that 81% of parents said their kids younger than 11 used or interacted with a digital device, up from 68% a year earlier.
How do you impose healthy limitations? How can you guide your kids to be better online users? Let’s break it down by content, time, and devices.
Content
Guideline: Your kids want to watch everything. Help them narrow their selection and identify a mix of shows, movies, and music from various channels and only high-quality ones (stuff that will help enlighten or educate). Talk about the fun and benefits of different types of content, from education to entertainment.
Limit: Explore how to configure their devices only to allow certain content-based apps or websites. If you don’t want them to consume content from a specific app or channel, your device via parental controls almost certainly gives you that power.
Time
Guideline: Your kids might want to watch Bluey… forever. It’s a great show, I know, but there is such a thing as too much Bluey! A good guideline is to ask yourself if this activity is enriching, educational, or garbage. Just like food, you want less garbage and more good stuff for your little ones!
Limit: You don’t have to ban Netflix — you can just limit the app to a time you feel is appropriate, like 30 minutes of usage between 5 PM and 9 PM on weekdays and an hour on weekends. One big reason this is important is that studies show that screens can negatively affect kids’ behavior. You also want to put limits on other factors. For example, no devices at the dinner table, during schoolwork time, or when grandma’s sharing a story about her childhood.
Devices
Guideline: Your kids want to do everything… on everything. I recommend that you limit the devices they access. Your cell, work laptop, etc., should be off-limits.
Limit: Your pre-teen says they need a phone for personal safety (cough cough… social media updates… cough), a laptop for writing papers (you already have two at home), a tablet for learning (they have a school-issued-one), and a Nintendo Switch for on-the-go gaming (but they rarely game). There are too many variables to monitor and restrain in this situation, so let’s travel back to when your pre-teen was 4. Ideally, they have no devices when they are young (4 and below). As they grow up (say, turn 5), you should introduce one at a time (like a WiFi-only tablet) with ample time in between devices (maybe two years apart). On their 7th birthday, you give them a Nintendo Switch with age-appropriate games and no online gaming. You want to try and limit access to the “bad” until you and they are ready for it. Strive to keep the number of devices low for as long as it makes sense.
4. Monitor their activity
You may think of it as spying, but as parents, it’s monitoring — the same monitoring you do in the physical world to help ensure your kids aren’t getting mixed up with the wrong crowd. Do you need to log their clicks and keystrokes and review their browsing history? Or do you need to talk to them to understand which games they play online and which communities they join? The answers will depend on the situation, your child’s activity, and your parenting style.
As you monitor, try not to do it maliciously. Remember that you’re doing it for their safety and well-being. Kids love the internet partly because it’s an infinite alternative universe that blurs the lines of reality and fantasy. Actually, we all love the internet for that reason. But as adults, we have the experience and wisdom to act responsibly (err, well… most of us do… ish). Your kids are still learning what that means. If you don’t monitor their online activity, they can slowly and unknowingly get sucked into the uglier parts of the internet. You should see yourself as the first and last line of defense.
5. Lead by example
Do you remember the first time you smiled at your baby, and they smiled back at you? What about when you strummed a guitar, and your 5-year-old said they wanted to be a rock star just like you? When you led your rec league in scoring, and your 10-year-old said they, too, would play in the NBA?! Kids of this age often imitate their parents. If you spend Friday night online, your kids will want to spend Friday night online. If you take an Instagram bathroom break, they’ll take a Snapchat bathroom break. If you click around the internet without a care, they will too.
When it comes to keeping your kids safe online, strive to lead by example. Do everything we’ve already discussed — talking to your kids about the internet, using tech to help control and monitor their internet usage — and show them that you’re subject to the same basic rules and guidelines.
How can you do that? Try to practice what you preach. When you set screen time limits for your kids, impose them on yourself too. If you demand they use discretion on social media, show them how and why you choose photos to post on your channels. As you remind them of the dangers of bad actors lurking online, show them how you ignore spam, avoid unsecured websites, and only buy products from trusted merchants.
Leading by example also helps show your young kids that internet use doesn’t become a free-for-all the day they turn 13. If you spend years yelling at them to stop going online while doing nothing but going online yourself, they could get the impression that the path to unlimited and indiscriminate internet usage is just a waiting game. Instead, show them that you abide by the same basic rules — and save your binge-watching for when your little ones are fast asleep, and your pre-teens are at a sleepover!
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Wrap-up
As a lifelong techie, I love the internet for all the amazing things it brings to life — things that weren’t around when I was a kid. Now that I’m a parent of a few Generation Alphas, I constantly look for ways to help them safely navigate the wonders of the digital universe. The 5 strategic steps in this article represent my best effort to do that. If you apply them as a parent, you’ll be on the path to keeping your kids safe online.
Someone's gotta go to prison, Ben… unless you share this article!
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